You remember being a kid and looking at grown ups and thinking how much “fun” it would be to be a grown up?
I do.When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up.
I envied how grown ups got to do everything they wanted but I couldn’t stay up past 10 pm.
I envied how grown ups got to go wherever they wanted without asking. But I still had to ask for permission to watch TV.
I envied how grown ups always had so much money to spend. But I wasn’t allowed to eat all the ice cream in the world.
I envied how grown ups were so important and were treated with such
respect. But everything I said was “cute” or “funny” and no one ever
And so I wanted it all. A grown-up was my celebrity.
I became older. A teenager. And I still continued to envy grown ups.
I still envied how grown ups got to do everything they wanted. But I
wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone all I please without being
I still envied how grown ups got to go wherever they wanted without
asking for permission. But I had to make up a million excuses to go out
with my friends.
I still envied how grown ups always had so much money to spend. But I had to save up for months before my boyfriend’s birthday.
I still envied how grown ups were so important and were treated with
such respect. But where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do was
regarded as “childish”.
I still wanted it all. And I convinced myself that it would all come
in good time. A few more years and I’d have finally grown up.
Those years have gone by a little too quickly for my liking. I’m what
you would define as a “grown up” now. And I get to do all those things I
envied as a kid. Only, now it all seems very different.
Yes, I am allowed to do whatever I want. But I don’t have the time or the energy to do any of it.
Yes, I don’t need to ask for permission to go anywhere. But I wish
there would be someone to make my decisions for me. Tell me what was
right and wrong. Give me the right advice on anything and everything
that I did.
Yes I have so much money to spend at my disposal. But only I know the
efforts and pains it has taken me to collect each and every penny.
Yes, I seem very important and respected when it comes to making
decisions. But I wish the burden of responsibilities was much lesser.
And now I wish I could go back and stop time. I wish I could go back
and be looked after and pampered and fed and taken care of. I wish I
could go back and be a kid. I wish my parents were around all the time
to release me of all my responsibilities. I wish my saddest moments were
those when I got into a fight with my siblings. I wish I had a fixed
bed time during all those times that I have to stay up working through
the night. I wish mom was around to put me to sleep when I was sick. I
wish dad was around to pat me on my back when I did well. I wish I could
eat all I wanted and still look cute. I wish I could crawl into mom and
dad’s bed during winter nights. I wish tears rolling down my cheeks
were only because of my scraped knee. I wish I could rewind. And then I
wish I could pause.